UNIVERSAL LAWS OF BOY SCOUT SUMMER CAMP
LAW #1 The number of mosquitoes at any given location is inversely
proportional to the amount of repellent remaining.
LAW #2 The distance to a given campsite remains constant as twilight
LAW #3 Any stone in a hiking boot will migrate to the point of maximum
LAW #4 The probability of diarrhea increases with the square of the poison
ivy content in the local vegetation.
LAW #5 Members of the opposite sex are only encountered while dealing with
diarrhea relating to LAW #4 above.
LAW #6 The area of level ground in a given campsite diminishes as the need to
make camp becomes finite.
LAW #7 Tent stakes come only in the quantity "N-1" where N = the number of
stakes required to stake down a tent.
LAW #8 When utilizing a mummy bag, the urgency to urinate is inversely
proportional to the amount of clothing worn. (There is also a correlation
that is inversely proportional to the temperature + the degree to which the
mummy bag is completely zipped).
LAW #9 Waterproof clothing isn't. (However it demonstrates 100%
effectiveness at containing sweat.)
LAW #10 The weight of a backpack increases in direct proportion to the amount
of food consumed from it.
LAW #11 When executing the instructions of a pump-activated water filter, the
term "hour" should be substituted for "minute" when calculating average quarts
LAW #12 Average temperature increases/decreases inversely with the amount of
LAW #13 When hiking boots are removed, it is not possible to put them back
LAW #14 Water bottles that are full when packed, will spontaneously deplete
prior to arrival at campsite.
LAW #15 Under any conditions, matches will find a way to get wet.
LAW #16 Under any conditions, everything meant to be kept dry will find a way
to get wet.
LAW #17 A single rock located under any tent will also be located under the
LAW #18 Your side of the tent will always be the side that leaks.
LAW #19 Universally, all foods assume a uniform taste, texture, and color
when freeze-dried. (When reconstituting, divide number of servings by two).
LAW #20 All tree branches in a forest grow outward from their respective
trunks at exactly the height of a human nose (unless interaction is with human
males, in which case branches will also grow at groin height).
LAW #21 The toothpick in a Swiss Army knife evaporates as soon as the box is
LAW #22 The sun sets 3.5 times faster than normal when you're trying to set
LAW #23 A sufficient amount of dirt will get tracked into the tent on the
first day out, that the food required for the rest of the trip can be grown in
rows between the sleeping bags.
LAW #24 No matter where you're going it is the wrong path.
LAW #25 No matter where you end up it is the wrong campsite.
* ALSO SEE UNIVERSAL CONSTANTS (Rain, Poison Ivy, Snakes, Etc.)